Forever the Sounds of Echoing Voices

Drive

2009-05-07T10:22:00.000-07:00

Every morning,
i wake up-
think of the things i will do.
consider the weather.
pull on a pair of cut-offs,
and wrap a scarf around my neck.

i leave the towel on the floor-
from my shower earlier on.
gloss my lips with pink diamonds.
perfection.
look in the mirror once more,
a quick double-take.

i leave the house-
and these people that surround me.
family, and some friends.
and then, i get this crazy idea,
to leave this
town.

so i pack up my car-
full to the windows.
been parked too long in the same damn place.
turn up the radio,
and begin to
drive.

far, far away.
down the highway.
past people
heading in the
wrong
direction.

I am

2009-04-07T17:14:00.001-07:00

I am a terrible person.

I wonder why things happen the way they do.

I hear "slut", "whore", doors slam.

I see myself, without you.

I want to understand it.

I am a terrible person.

I pretend nothing happened.

I feel an aching in my chest.

I touch the places you touched.

I worry that I will never see you again.

I cry every moment alone.

I am a terrible person.

I understand I hurt you.

I say "sorry", "forgive me".

I dream about never waking up.

I try and forget.

I hope you will remember.

I am a terrible person.

Missing Keys,

2009-04-06T16:26:00.000-07:00

you break me.

make me want to break things.

losing you,

makes me want to lose it.

i will find you,

and you will wish you never went missing to begin with.

Max,

2009-03-21T14:43:00.000-07:00

don't leave me alone tonight.
take me to your room.
where the forest will grow.
and we will sail together,
to where the wild things are.

but this time,
we won't return.

no,
not tonight.

read to me

2009-03-19T20:54:00.001-07:00

i miss the days,
when you would read to me.

read me-
and i would fall asleep,
and dream of the words-
but mostly,

just dream of your voice.

during the song (written 02. 14. 09.)

2009-03-19T20:50:00.000-07:00

when you caught my eye
during the song
i thought, if for only a moment-
that maybe,
you were in love
with me.

i know,
so silly,
but maybe its not hard to believe.

perhaps,
i was caught in the moment of the music...
the kids around me
moving their bodies.
corresponding parts of a whole moment.
grabbing their loved one.
getting lost in eachother's eyes.
but i searched
for your's.

i know you couldn't hold me,
but you sure held me in your gaze.
and then later,
i wanted you to keep your arms around me,
"lets stay here. forever."
and i wasn't asking for infidelity,
i was just asking for you.

you said i could be your "second Valentine"
(i had never been anyone's "first").
and i didn't want to give you the wrong impression,
but i wanted to give you
my heart.

and then,

you laughed.

(but i've never been so serious in my life).

i know you read my shit

2009-03-19T20:48:00.000-07:00

sometimes,
i like to pretend that when we were younger,
you used to hold my hand on the playgroud
(before you started to chase me)
and that we shared our first kiss
standing in the sand
beneath the jungle-gym-
beside the slide.

and i know it never happened,
but i like to think
that sometime when we hang out now,
you will suddenly remember those days on the playground
(before you started to chase me)
and that we will share our second kiss
standing in your basement-
beside your guitars.

sometimes,
i like to pretend
that i didn't have to write so much,
that you would just know how i feel without all these words
and that you would take me to the playground
(where you used to chase me)
and you would hold me in your arms-

beside your heart.

march evenings fading away

2009-03-19T20:42:00.000-07:00

go to an under-age, under-the-influence, under-the-radar, under-the-roof-of-the-fucking-quanset, under-esitmatedly OVER-RATED party,
with the kids that you never talk to,
the boys you're scared will rape you,
the girls that completely hate you (and are so completely fake to you)
and expect to have a good time, a grand time, a great time
when your feet are fucking freezing and
heart is barely beating (cuz the air that you keep breathing is filled with second-hand smoke?) not only that, but by the time you have arrived, some already need to be revived (and you barely had surrvived that first shot of tequila...)
a car gets jacked from the yard, driven into the ditch by some punk-ass-bitch that thought he'd make a friendly joke of it.
leave your open alcohol at your feet and pull over on an empty street, three tickets later make for a special treat.
kiss the boy that you love (he does love you back)
and at the end of the night try to hold back the tears you've tried to fight...

these are the good times,
this is your night.

you were two dimes short of a print job

2009-03-02T18:51:00.000-08:00

i used to love
when you would sit by me
in a library
full of strangers, i could barely make eye-contact with-
even when you were a stranger too

i remember feeling
so alone
in a place
full of meaningless romance, and cliche high school hook-ups and break-ups-
yet, i wanted that with you... or at least the romance

i could never understand
your obssession with the girl who would use you
on a weekend
full of endless drinking, endless lies-

and i guess i never will.

dropping secrets

2009-02-20T20:26:00.000-08:00

obscenities are flying forward from my mouth
fuck it-
i don't give a shit,
and you aren't going to start.

it aint no surprise,
but your jaw has dropped to the fucking floor-
do remember when i used to drop like that-
on my knees whispering secrets to the air?
but i aint dropping tonight buddy.
no,
nothing but these words.

you know-
its kind of funny...

i never whisper anymore.

and maybe,
i never will again.

This Heart Sleeps...

2008-10-21T08:12:00.000-07:00

from couch to couch-
sleepless nights
restlessness awakened with the alarm clock's screams
another morning, another question:
where will it be tonight?

lumpy fouton
and dirty clothes
scattered across unfamilar rooms
and as this heart tries to sleep,
she screams;

because this heart
wasn't meant to sleep
on pull-out couches,
forgotten basement bedroom floors-
no,
this heart was meant to sleep in your heart.

this heart
wasn't meant to sleep
on unkempt bunk-beds,
forgotten backseat stains-
NO!
this heart was meant to sleep in your heart.

and I
wasn't meant to sleep
on yoga-blown up-camping-musty-moldy-misshapen
mattresses...

broken-bereft-Bailey?

because this heart
needs
to sleep in your heart.

(At least, tonight.)

face-down

2008-09-04T11:15:00.000-07:00

face-down you

F
A
L
L

flat onto my doorstep.

heart exposed through the tear in your

shirt

tears exposed through the ocean in your

eyes

face-down you

F
A
L
L

flat onto my doorstep.

and feet-first into my
heart.

for the child within you.

2008-08-26T18:04:00.000-07:00

drop-
kicked
to the hand
(and heart)

i jump
back
with startled ,
unsuspecting,
shock.

"Was it...?"

"Yes."

"Wow."

Something inside me
(and you)
that i have never experienced before.

complete.
overwhelming.
joy.

a tear
falls.
(and then another)

Music rises within my throat-
a note, a melody, and yet...

there are no words to speak.

Beneath the S T R E T C H E D skin surface-

a world that neither you, nor I,
could ever remember.

An Atlantis.

A lost city.

A submerged treasure. (that you don't have to look to find)

Giving me a gift-
that could never compare to the gift within you.

i will never be the same.

thank-you.

2008-08-25T01:21:00.001-07:00

i really miss you.

A Hero Found

2008-08-10T20:05:00.001-07:00

you had fallen into the darkness
before the night had even come
and you fell apart so easily
before you came undone

you broke beneath the weight
of the wings you tried to spread
and you never could understand
the words that were being said

but we can't all be Heroes
despite how hard we try
and we will never know the truth
if we can't find the lie

you took the broken glass
that had shattered in the sky
put it beneath your pillow
before the dreams arrived

you made your broken heartache
disappear without a trace
and took the spoiled bride
and held her tight in your embrace

and you can't be a Hero
despite how hard you try
and you will never know the truth
if you can't find the lie

you heard the scattered sounds
of the music in the air
and played your bass of passion
hitting each note with care

you discovered a sincere love
of one you'd never known before
and tried to find a key
to open up the door

a stranger in the darkness
a friend beneath the trees
a love between the stars
a hand stretched out in need

and you have become my Hero
and you didn't have to try
and i don't yet know the truth
but it can't be hard to find

"Incredible"

2008-06-11T14:41:00.000-07:00

you speak your words deliberately-
honestly-
endlessly.
a multitude of praises-
pouring from your lips.

you flash your smile wordlessly-
perfectly-
playfully.
a vastness of loyalty-
white and unstained.

you nod your head knowingly-
consciously-
willfully.
an unwavering magnitude-
of understanding with no judgement.

you take my heart carefully-
kindly-
friendfully.
a complete love extended-
and I can't understand...

why you think its me that is "incredible"?

Sounds like Love (Looks like Rain)

2008-06-10T22:58:00.000-07:00

pierced through the heart
(and lip)
I mutter sentences under my breath
(hoping that you will hear)
I couldn't help but notice that you were looking the other way
(out the window, across the street)
not hearing a word I said
(forget it)
"I love you"
("what's that?" you casually reply)
"Elephant shoe"
(I lie...)
not flinching in my direction, you nod.
("Indeed, it does look like rain.")

for the one whom the rain falls for

2008-06-09T22:46:00.000-07:00

the rain won't stop falling-

singing a song-

as it dances upon the window pane.

the steam swirls and kisses your face-

gourmet coffee in hand-

you whisper into the cup to stop the burning pain on lips.

the waves won't stop crashing-

screaming a truth-

as the rocks engulf them in their lies.

the music rises in the air-

love in your hands-

voice breaks through the walls you can't seem to scale.

the pounding of hearts-

painting a picture-

of colors never seen or thought of before.

the most pleasant of days-

those that rain-

and seem to hold your hand through the storm.

Dandelion Kisses

2008-06-05T12:43:00.000-07:00

In the sun you dance and sway-

Your heart is in this field.

Twirling skirt and flowing blouse-

Bare feet upon the grass.

The wind is playing with your hair-

He sings for you a song.

Melody rises to the sky-

Catching butterfly wings.

I’ll hold your hand- you’ll laugh aloud-

Beauty conveyed through your eyes.

Grab my heart- I won’t say a word-

Your smile makes the clouds disappear.

Walk with me, please stay awhile-

We’ll run and we’ll never look back.

Stop to rest upon the ground-

I’ll blow you a dandelion kiss.

In the Morning

2008-05-19T20:40:00.000-07:00

Dear City Streets,
you sleep.
Silent,
but I know-
That in the mo(u)rning,
you will wake.

And all dreams will fade.

Cheers

2008-05-15T08:12:00.000-07:00

Let's raise our glasses to poisoned drinks-
to too many lonely nights spent with the wrong someone-
to a heart filled with lust rather than love-
and the stupidity enough not to know the difference.

Let's raise our voices to broken vows-
to too many promises to even remember to be kept-
to a mind filled with memories unable to relive-
and the decency not to forget.

Let's raise our fists to being young-
to too many parties and too little time-
to a body filled with substances unknown-
and the excitement of never knowing.

Sing Me a Song (and kiss me with tongue)

2008-05-11T02:28:00.000-07:00

twirl and spin singing "Brown Eyed Girl" to hazel eyes-
hands intertwined as we walk along the river.
laugh and decide that now is the time-
a gentle kiss with too much teeth
(romance meets true intentions)

the alcohol burns in throat-
and so does the touch of fingertips on bare skin.
you'll trace my face and I'll trace your heart-
I was never one to fall victim to the pressures of the world
(or the weaknesses of the flesh)

clothes flung sheepishly to the floor-
pressed lips upon the tattoo exposed on your right shoulder.
morals and values pushed beneath the seat-
bodies collide and insecurities emerge
(I’m afraid to be afraid)

but baby you need to take risks-
and there's a first time for everything.
mouth is dry- salivate with someone else's passion-
baring your skin to the moon
(and your heart to the darkness)

body sore from the worship of our backseat shrine-
you pay with flesh your parking pass.
you'll take off your pants- or you'll take off-
and I don't know if I want you to go.
(or even stay...)

a name I can't pronounce-
and maybe won't even remember.
yet you've got your name and hands all over me-
and each touch draws me in
(but you aren't getting that close)

it was supposed to be different... slower, safe-
but it’s all the same... fast and dangerous.
and you may have lied about how you felt-

(but I lied about my age)

Falling for a Devil's Heart

2008-04-27T15:32:00.000-07:00

I held hands with the devil
as I drank up his lies-
then gave him a kiss
as we said our goodbyes.

He smiled as we parted
and I cried in the dark-
lonely again,
after he left his mark.

I whispered to the devil
as I shared with him my soul-
then gave him a kiss,
and my lips burned like coal.

He laughed as we parted
and I cried in the street-
hurting again,
still incomplete.

I danced with the devil
as we spun round and round-
then gave him a kiss,
soft without sound.

He smiled as we parted
and I cried on the dance floor-
broken again,
like many times before.

I woke up to the devil
as I pulled up the sheets-
then gave him a kiss,
with my lips of defeat.

He smiled as we parted
and I cried upon the bed-
stained again,
and innocence shed.

I made way for the devil
as my life fell apart-
and clutched to the offer,
of him "fixing" my heart.

He smiled as we parted
and I cried upon the pews-
praying to God,
for forgiveness renewed.

I cried out to my King
as I so often do-
when things are so broken,
and I can't make it through.

simple as it may be

2008-04-08T22:17:00.000-07:00

truly you have never seen
a beauty such as this it seems
that breaks the heart and shatters dreams
and tears forever at the seams

a rose doesn't make this heart beat

2008-04-08T22:16:00.001-07:00

had you given me a dandelion instead,
it would have easily sufficed.

Lyrical Love [For Joshua Mutafya- RIP]

2008-03-27T23:58:00.001-07:00

the rhyme is the place- where we can begin to trace- and even grace- the sweet embrace- of your being//

its that feeling inside- where we can no longer hide- the need to reisde by your side- and it's freeing//

you give and you take- you make and you break- close eyes and awake- now we're seeing//

that his life was your's- and his heart it soars- through windows and doors- through the ceilings//

and even though he's gone- his memory lives on- bold and strong- he belongs- in the place
we are seeking//

now he's home with you- and this we know is true- that each day anew- problems we come to- we will get through- unyielding//

hold his hand Oh Lord- may our hearts be restored- and your peace be poured- into healing//

Amen.

"Forever" is Past Tense

2008-03-27T23:57:00.001-07:00

and there's no way we're turning back.

Wonder

2008-03-26T16:59:00.000-07:00

Where have you been?
I wonder.
I haven't seen your face around here lately-
haven't felt the callouses on your hands-
the gentleness of your fingertips interlinked with my own.

Where have you been?
I wonder.
I haven't heard your voice around here lately-
haven't felt the soft song in your voice ringing in my ears-
the calmness of your words floating through the air.

Where have you been?
I wonder.
I haven't missed you as much as now-
haven't needed to know your heart-
the honesty that you never hold back.

Where have you been-
or more importantly-
where are you now?

The gentleman Of Tomorrow

2008-03-19T11:43:00.000-07:00

Your pants are hanging off your ass
You walk with thug-like grace
Your bling hanging around your neck-
And your crooked hat upon your head

G-Unit would be so proud
Your free-flowing rhymes swiftly leaving your lips
You've mastered the art-
And your car sounds dope too

Your "dont-give-a-fuck" attitude is amusing
I heard you were shot nine times
I guess there are worse things that could happen-
You could have crashed your Escalade

Got caught with a minor?
Fuck, that's got to be rough
Yeah, I know... they look so much older these days-
But hey, what can ya do?

Your girlfriend doesn't like your friends?
Well, drop that bitch like its hot yo
Bros before Hoes man-
Fo real

I'ma bounce though mang
Catch y'all later
Maybe tomorrow we'll scout out some shorties?

Or at least get some take-out.

The Synonym of Disregard

2008-03-18T13:40:00.000-07:00

Abandon the typical feeling for tomorrow-
the words that come so easily to you as you throw them out without so much as flinching

Abandon the ordinary responses-
the explanations you conjure up in your head without so much as a true thought

Abandon the conventional morals-
the reasons you try to justify for being the self-righteous bitch that you are

Abandon me-
the logical solution to an illogical problem

Abandon the only one you've never been true to-
Yourself

ultimately, this is for you.

2008-03-14T23:34:00.000-07:00

I've never written you a poem
[but you're often in my thoughts]

And a song so often drifts to my lips
[that you will probably never hear]

I don't know what to say to you
[but the words are on the tip of my tongue]

And my smile wants to escape and touch yours
[wants to dance across your face]

I've been broken so many times
[and it scares me that you may see]

And I've tried to start all over
[but I'm always in so deep]

I never intended to fall for you
[but I really hoped for you to catch me]

And you
[did]

the song plays

2008-03-13T12:23:00.000-07:00

i've gotten into the habit
of playing the song over again
the words racing through my mind
the notes rising in my throat
that familiar sound
as the bass picks at my heart
castanets clicking as my feet begin to move
i'd like to meet
the boy with the coin
and fall in love
again.

Inspired by Iron and Wine's
Boy With a Coin

a heart in hand and an open sunroof

2008-03-11T13:42:00.001-07:00

hit the road
on a winter's day
never felt this cold before
but its not just outside

if it's any consolation
you weren't the first
hands are numb
thoughts of you
words cannot suffice
the reflection in the mirror- illusion

drove past the memories
right through the stop sign
onto hell's highway
drop off the evidence
that we were ever in heaven
but you'll never meet me there

An Honest Staite

2008-03-11T11:33:00.000-07:00

in a staite (state) of complete honesty
as he sings about a German Dwarf
dancing with the Butcher's Son
the hand reaching far into the clouds
my favorite tee that he wears not nearly enough
he's a friend
because there really are no others (at least not yet)
that care to sit at my side
and make me want to care
I haven't asked to be let in
but the screen door is blowing open in the wind
and I'm thinking that maybe
I might perhaps
knock.

from the lips of the fallen

2008-03-02T01:59:00.000-08:00

Fuck, I saw Drama tonight.
[and her name is Liz]
Adultery at its finest-
raw, pure-
and uncensored.
Rolling off her perfect tongue-
her red lips that cause me to stumble-
deception.
Fuck, man.
[you really have no idea]
Passionate as she may be-
the look she throws me from beneath the sheets-
repulsive.
I can't ever seem to capture it.
[yet she needs no explanation]
Desolate and uncertain-
I search for the certainty that comes with her personality-
and she never seems to disappoint.

Uninspired I write this to you

2008-01-30T11:00:00.000-08:00

Uninspired I write this to you
a lyrical love at its best
an outstretched rhyme, an outstretched heart
getting this off my chest
Uninspired I write this to you
unable to tell you these things
a medly off my tongue, straight from my lips
unsure of what it will bring
Uninspired I write this to you
certain of uncertainty
a flowing of words, a mixed diallect
as honest as I can be
Unispired I write this to you
but this could be it my friend
for (un)inspiration never lasts
and this is now the end.

Somewhere Where I'm Not

2008-01-06T18:47:00.000-08:00

somewhere where I'm not
you're playing me a song
an Argentinian Waltz at its finest
your own rendition of a Pink Floyd Classic
somewhere where I'm not
you're laughing harder than ever
another excellent story
another silly roommate
somewhere where I'm not
you're listening to a lecture
about "back when I was your age"
and "a nice Jewish girl"
somewhere where I'm not
you'll be walking down the street
wishing for different circumstances
while I'm walking down a hall
wishing I was somewhere where you were too

sigh... ka-dunk, ka-dunk!

2008-01-04T15:21:00.000-08:00

this is the sound of my heartbeating next to yours...
an echo through the sounds of time...
one beat, another...
silence all around, except...
this one sound: "Ka-dunk. Ka-dunk."

there is a quick pause...
it skipped a beat...
the "ka-dunk, ka-dunking" is now double timing...
i feel the air in my lungs retreating...
you make me feel...
breathless.

i see something through those eyes of yours...
and the smile curling on your lips...
a sparkling smile, and i feel...
it was meant for me alone.

there was once a time i was un-afraid to speak my mind around you...
and now...
i am.

for i know that my mind holds many thoughts...
thoughts of you...
of me...
and...
i don't know if you're willing to hear them yet...
but soon.

here it goes...
this one glimpse of my mind...
i...
love...
you.

Let's go back [for my dad]

2008-01-04T15:20:00.000-08:00

Let's go back to the beginning,
back to the very start.
back when you were a father,
when you held me close in your arms.

Let's go back to early childhood,
when you would take us to the park.
when you'd play frisbee with us outside,
when you'd make us un-afraid of the dark.

Let's go back to when you told stories,
made Kraft Dinner for us at noon.
back when you took an interest,
and we had a connection to you.

Let's go back to my first performance,
that you couldn't make it to.
back to the good old days,
when we felt so close to you.

Let's go back to Saturday mornings,
when you'd take us to the driving range.
back when we still knew you,
before being around you was strange.

Let's go back to my baptism,
and the Christmas play at youth.
back when the words we spoke weren't lies,
when we were still telling the truth.

Let's go back to my learners,
to the very first boy i liked.
back to when i needed your approval,
but you were nowhere in sight.

Let's go back to Christmas,
to the holiday you always missed.
to the cards that weren't in the mail,
and the un-sent Christmas gifts.

Let's go back to understanding,
to where you can explain,
the exscuses you had for these things you missed,
that caused me so much pain.

Let's go back to the memories,
before they fade into black.
I want to start over again,
but there's no way that we can go back.

the things you should know (and are long overdue to hear) [for my mom]

2008-01-04T15:18:00.002-08:00

she took me home,
i was her little bundle of joy.
to my toddler brother looking up,
i was nothing more than a toy.
she held me to her chest,
sang to me sweet notes.
bought for me cute outfits,
little dresses and over-coats.
she blew raspberries on my tummy,
made me giggle and smile.
she paraded me around,
i was her darling little child.
i was her little girl,
and we did many mother-daughter things.
but as we both grew older,
we no longer swung on swings.
we started to fight,
curse, scream and yell.
and to put it quite bluntly,
living together was hell.
She wanted her way,
And I wanted mine.
She told me this,
Which to me wasn’t fine.
She had her ideas,
Opinions and views.
And I had my own,
Some different values.
I made her angry,
When I would disobey.
And she made me angry,
When she tried to get in the way.
Bringing home “friends”,
Was annoying as hell.
But even with the few I didn’t mind,
It was still very hard to tell.
I wanted time with my mother,
Not her and her lame boyfriends.
But maybe I didn’t let her know that,
And therefore the less time we would spend.
And maybe I didn’t communicate well,
That I wanted to tell her some stuff.
But the communication lines were severed,
And to repair them would be tough.
The first guy I liked, the first one I loved,
She would never know.
Because I didn’t tell her anything,
And I assumed she didn’t really want to know.
I wanted to tell her I was angry,
About the way I was forced to be strong.
Maybe she didn’t realize,
That I felt she was parenting wrong.
I think it was hardest for me without dad,
But for her, I held it all in.
I didn’t want her to see all my hurting,
And exactly how much I missed him.
And it was hardest for me with her,
Because I was exploding inside.
But I didn’t tell her my feelings,
From her I tried to hide.

[to be continued]

laundry detergent and thoughts of you

2008-01-04T15:18:00.001-08:00

laundry detergent and thoughts of you,
are the things that come to mind,
when i am asked to think of a few great things,
that are sometimes hard to find.

its hard to find good laundry detergent,
that gets out terrible stains,
and its even harder to find someone as great as you,
that can erase some terrible pains.

and laundy detergent and thoughts of you,
are two, very similar things.
you see, the smell of laundry detergent,
can remind me of the scent you bring.

and thoughts of you, are what i think,
when i search for laundry detergent.
because i want to smell the best for you,
and believe me, that issue is urgent.

laundry detergent and thoughts of you,
simply go hand in hand.
and we can't have one without the other,
i hope that you understand.

3 words

2008-01-04T15:17:00.000-08:00

you...

you smile and pat my back,

and yet...

you are the one stabbing the knife in it.

you shake my hand and say sweet words,

and yet...

you break my fingers, and under your breath you swear.

Don't you know that i want this to end?

That I want to love you?

I only have 3 words to say;

you are forgiven.

My Pillow Never Lies

2008-01-04T15:16:00.002-08:00

when i was sad, lonely and scared,
i cried on your shoulder, and you told me what i wanted to hear.
and then when i was heartbroken, hurt and confused,
i cried on my pillow, and he never said a word...
my pillow never lies.

he never tells me what i want to hear,
he just listens.
he never shoves my tears away,
he absorbs them.
did your shoulder ever do that?
i think not...
my pillow never lies.

when i was angry, distraught and frustrated,
you had your own problems, and although you pretended to care,
it was clear that my own weren't worthwhile.
but my pillow?
he endured my anger, my fists' pounding unyielding.
my pillow never lies, but my pillow always cares.

it was no longer your shoulder i went to for comfort,
but rather the comfort of my own pillow.

he knows me like no other.
he knows my scent,
and the taste of my tears.
he holds safe my letters and secrets,
and he knows just where i like to lay my head.
unlike you he holds his tounge to false words,
and never leads one to believe something untrue.
are you like that?
i think not...
my pillow never lies.

my pillow could never break my heart or hurt me,
we've been through far too much.
instead, he holds my heart and helps me to heal.
and what i love most, the thing that comforts me above all else,
is simply that my pillow is so different than you, so unique.
hes so unlike you in every way, and more importantly...
my pillow never lies.

Despereaux is dead

2008-01-04T15:16:00.001-08:00

what more is there to say?

opened the small tablecloth where he lay, and discovered his small, cold body curled up in the fetal position.

maybe not cold... but small.

i moved him with my finger... no twitching or moving like usual.

dead.

gone.

like so many other things in life, you can't take it with you to heaven...

don't cry. he was only with us for a few days... you shouldn't be attatched... say it now...

Good-bye Despereaux... Good-bye.

Back to You

2008-01-04T15:14:00.000-08:00

I used to sit in the Light,
where happiness was found.
I used to tell of Your love,
to whoever was around.
I used to shout Your praises,
and sing Your songs in the street.
I used to share Your name,
with whoever i would meet.
I used to tell the stories.
about the diciples, and the King.
I used to speak of Your Glory,
and the happiness You would bring.
I used to be upset,
when they used Your name in vain.
But now i sit there quiet,
and i don't speak of my pain.
I now sit in the Darkness,
with demons by my side.
I can hear You calling me back to You,
but from Your calls i hide.
I don't think you can forgive me,
because i've done so much wrong.
And i think that where your glory dwells,
there too, i won't belong.
these are the lies they tell me.
they think i won't recall,
About the Father's love for me,
and that He'll catch me as i fall.
So i try to cast away those demons,
and they hold on to me so tight!
but my blindfold has quickly been removed,
and i can now see the Light!
So Lord, I am sorry,
Sorry I left Your arms.
I know that you'll always protect me,
From the things that bring me harm.
And when temptation snatches me,
removes me from whats true,
You will be there to whisper in my ear,
that i can always come back to You.

And then there were 2...

2008-01-04T15:13:00.001-08:00

and then there were 2,
just standing in a line.
no care in the world,
their lives were going fine.

and then there was school,
and the struggles to go through.
the grades, the classes, the teachers,
and the importance of being cool.

and then there was recess,
the playtime on monkey bars.
and then in later years,
the concern about driving cars.

and then there was love,
and that feeling inside.
as they shared every secret,
they had nothing to hide.

and then there was heart-ache,
a burning sadness all around.
they cried on eachother's shoulder's,
their friendship stood its ground.

and then there was laughter,
the kind that makes you burst.
and then there was the kind that made you cry, (or pee)
it was both the best and the worst.

and then there was rebellion,
disobeying each command.
they said they hated their parents,
they just wish they would understand.

and then there was friendship,
the kind you just can't bend.
the friendship that through good or bad,
will last until the end.

My mysterious friend of music

2008-01-04T15:12:00.000-08:00

he sits there,
wearing his Led Zep and G n' R tees.
he sits there,
and i wonder what he thinks about.

he sits there,
his blue eyes and blonde hair.
he sits there,
and i wonder what he sees through those eyes.

he sits there,
and i sit 2 rows beside.
he sits there,
and i wonder if he thinks i'm annoying.

he sits there,
and he drums on his desk top.
he sits there,
and i wonder what music is on his mind.

he sits there,
and he says nothing at all.
he sits there,
and i wonder if he wants to say something to break the silence.

he sits there,
and he glances over to me.
he sits there,
and i smile.

he sits there,
this boy i don't really know.
he sits there,
and i wonder what hes really like.

is he the quiet, tortured soul, artistic kind?
or the one who is a goofball in class?
is he the boistrous, outspoken, shallow kind?
or the one who listens, responds and cares?

he then goes home, and sits there.
and talks to me on msn.
he sits there,
and suddenly, i am beginning to know him.

he sits there,
and we "lol" and "jk" to eachother.
i sit here,
and suddenly its all becoming clear.

he sits there,
and i've discovered,
my new mysterious friend of music.

he sits there.
i sit here.
and i find,
that this mysterious friend of music,
is not such a mystery after all.

My Prince

2008-01-04T15:11:00.000-08:00

So i have found this Prince of mine,
A Mighty one is he.
A lovable thing about him,
is simply that he loves me.

He makes me feel so warm inside,
yet how hard is that to believe?
As soon as i let him in my heart,
he vowed to never leave.

Amazing is this Prince of mine,
He's knows my thoughts, my fears.
His gentle arms around me,
He's there to dry my tears.

His love grows upon the ground,
with the flowers in the Spring.
And when the colder weather comes,
Its the Winter Wonderland he brings.

With the world as his canvas,
he shares a painting with you and I.
By every evening he creates,
A masterpiece in the Sky.

So you see My Prince is wonderful,
and everything i say is true.
And if you asked of him at anytime,
He could gladly be your Prince too.

My Prince shows kindness, happiness and love,
and then of course his Mercy.
For did you know that he himself,
Laid down his life for you and me?

Single Thought

2008-01-04T15:10:00.002-08:00

i had a thought, a single thought...
and i thought about only you.

i had a thought, a single thought...
thought the whole night through.

i had a thought, a single thought...
made me wonder how,

out of all the single thoughts i've had,
you've never come up till now.

I figured it was time

2008-01-04T15:10:00.001-08:00

i figured it was time to say,
what i wanted to for a while.
i've had my time to be okay,
and i've had my time to smile.
i once had you're hand in mine,
and that was something unreal.
and it was nice for things to be fine,
but thats something that life had to steal.
you see, i want you to stay here,
but obviously, that isn't working out.
and the fact that you're no longer going to be near,
really makes me want to shout.
you're leaving, and thats tight.
and its hard for me to take.
but i know things will be alright,
because our friendship's not at stake.
and i figured it was time to do,
what i've wanted to since the start.
tell you exactly what i believe is true,
whats going on in my heart.
you are a best friend to me,
someone so darn cool.
and to pretend that this doesn't bother me,
would make me look like a fool.
people can see that there's something,
and that we can't try to deny.
to say that there's absolutely nothing,
would honestly be living a lie.
so i figure its time i gave in,
all the times i held back these words.
all the times i never said what was within,
all the things you never heard.
you mean so much to me,
yes, you really do.
and i want you to hear, and to see,
that simply, i just love you.

Keep your Distance (Its contagious)

2008-01-04T15:09:00.000-08:00

keep your distance,
its contagious.
an infectious,
incurable disease.
keep your distance,
its contagious.
i'm warning you,
begging you, please.
keep your distance,
its contagious.
no doctor has the cure.
keep your distance,
its contagious.
how you'll end up,
i'm not sure.
keep your distance,
its contagious.
it spreads from me to you.
keep your distance,
its contagious.
i don't know exactly what to do.
keep your distance,
its contagious.
you'll stay up awake in the night.
keep your distance,
its contagious.
you'll lose all your strength,
all your might.
keep your distance,
its contagious.
you thought that you were immune.
you didn't keep your distance,
and its passed now,
onto you.
your symptoms weren't the same as mine,
but they rarely are.
one moment you were feeling fine,
but now you're starting to scar.
the wounds are internal,
you can't really see.
but they're there, and you can feel them.
the wounds on the inside,
the worst when they bleed,
can be even worse when you try to hide them.
and now you have to keep your distance,
it was contagious, as you know.
to stay far away, won't be so hard,
because now you actually have to go.
that contagious disease,
the disease of the heart.
hurt more than the measles, or any other.
that contagious disease,
that keeps us apart,
will have heal itself one way or another.

Careful

2008-01-04T15:08:00.002-08:00

careful how you say it
you don't want to destroy.
careful how you speak your words
a heart is not a toy.
careful how you say it
you don't mean to hurt.
and if you're not careful
you could twist some simple words.
careful how you say it
it needs to be just right.
you want to end this on good terms
no need to start a fight.
careful how you say it
for if you're not, you'll make me ache.
and hearts are not common to find,
especially when they break.
so please be careful when you say it
i promise i can take the words.
just say them quick, and say them right,
and i swear i won't be hurt.

More to a Heart

2008-01-04T15:08:00.001-08:00

theres more to a heart than just how it can break.
more to a life than just how it can live.
more to a silence than its awkwardness.
theres more to a heart than just how it can break.

theres more to a laugh than just how it sounds.
more to a cry than how many tears are shed.
more to a hug than the warmth of an embrace.
theres more to a heart than just how it can break.

theres more to me than meets the eye.
more to a kiss than just the moment.
more to holding a hand than just the security.
theres more to a heart than just how it can break.

theres more to a smile than just joy.
more to a glance than just the time.
more to a friend than just the title.
theres more to a heart than just how it can break.

theres more to "I love you" than just the sound.
more to "hello" than what it means.
more to a good-bye than just the end.
theres more to a heart than just how it can break.

One Step

2008-01-04T15:07:00.000-08:00

we're only one step closer,
which is closer than before.
only one step closer,
than we've ever walked out the door.

one step closer to the finish line,
only one step to the end.
one step closer till we'll be fine,
one step till we're friends.

the question is, will you take that step?
the step that is so near?
is the one promise needed to be kept,
the one that you most fear?

just take your step,
come closer.
closer than before.
only one step closer,
than you've ever walked out the door.

you're so close to the finish line,
so close to the end.
I'm so sure that we'll be fine,
so sure that we'll be friends.

you took the step,
and now you're here.
your promise kept,
I no longer fear.

So one step closer,
we're almost there.
one step closer,
that I want us to share.

one step closer...
one step closer...
just be sure to watch your step.

Perfection Expected

2008-01-04T15:06:00.000-08:00

You expect so much,
and I don't think you realize.
You burn with the fire for flawless...
Perfection is expected.
You push so hard,
and I don't think you see.
You live for a moment of splendor...
Perfection is expected.
You hold on so tight,
and I can barely breathe.
You force your goals on me...
Perfection is expected.
Can't you see?
I'm not flawless,
nor do I live for splendor.
I want to be let go of your tight grip,
to find hopes and dreams, goals and aspirations of my own...
and most importantly,
I know what is expected...
Perfection.
And although I cannot achieve that,
I do have that yearning...
For Perfection, is always expected.

Oh Daddy... [a prayer]

2008-01-04T15:02:00.000-08:00

Oh Daddy, how I missed you today!
I thought about you quite alot.
I wished you were around when I tried to call,
but alas, you were not.
And I had quite an interesting day,
that I wanted to tell you about.
But as always when I tried to reach you,
you had already gone out.
Oh Daddy, are you avoiding me,
Pretending not to hear my call?
Are you really somewhere else,
Or not really gone at all?
Why don't you ever talk to me,
Tell me that you love me still?
Why don't you ever remind me of this,
that you do, and you always will?
Why can't I ever see you anymore,
why are you hidden from sight?
Why do I always feel so alone,
so cut off from the light?
Oh Daddy, are you angry?
Disappointed with me?
Are you upset that I'm not living quite right,
that I'm not who you want me to be?
I try so hard, I really do,
Oh Daddy, believe me when I say,
that I try to remember to talk to you,
each and every day.
But at times I feel you don't listen,
that really I'm wasting my time.
That you have other more important things on your plate,
than these petty problems of mine.
And I know that you never ignore me,
nor do you walk away from my cries.
But I can't ever seem to feel secure,
and I can't dry these tears from my eyes.
Oh Daddy, I miss you so much,
and I wish I could see your face.
I want to feel your smile upon me,
and the warmth of your embrace.
I want you to be around,
and be near to me when I fall.
Oh Daddy, where have you been,
when I always tried to call?

Oh Daughter, I missed you today!
And I thought about you as well.
I was here when you had tried to call,
I wanted to hear what you had to tell.
Oh Daughter, I'm not avoiding you,
how could you think that way?
I'm around whenever you need me,
each and every day.
And I always try to speak to you,
although sometimes I am not so clear.
I apologize that you felt alone,
but rest assured, I am always here.
Oh Daughter, I love you so much,
this above else you should know.
Though this may not be reflected with words,
but rather in each way that you grow.
And sweetheart, I'm always in front of you,
I would never hide from you.
But I know you don't always see me,
sometimes you don't have a clue.
Oh Daughter, I am far from angry,
and I'm not disappointed with you.
I am pleased by the way you are living,
and all the things that you do.
And I know you try hard to talk to me,
but sometimes it just slips your mind.
But honey, I'm here whenever,
it doesn't matter the time.
Oh Daughter, I always listen,
you are never a waste of my time.
You are so precious to me,
Oh Daugter, you are mine.
And its true I never ignore you,
or walk away from your cries.
And I'm here to offer you security,
and to dry those tears from your eyes.
Oh Daughter, I miss you as well,
as I watch and smile down on your face.
And I love to hold you in my arms,
the feel of your loving embrace.
I am always around,
and I'm near you when you fall.
Oh Daughter, I've always been right here,
and I will always answer your call.

Can't Get Your Head Around It

2008-01-04T14:59:00.002-08:00

So you can't get your head around it,
maybe its just too big.
This is too high a goal, too high a price,
but I suggest you get off your high horse and take a look.
You can't comprehend the importance,
yet, intellect was never your strong point.
You have many different opinions of the situation,
and I hate to break it to you, but for once, they just don't matter.
Alot of the time, things don't get through to you,
and its because you have selective understanding.
You don't care to see the big picture,
truth is, you are blind.
Still can't get your head around it?
Maybe its still too big.

What could I say?

2008-01-04T14:59:00.001-08:00

Oh I have so much to tell you!
So much to share.
But what could I say to you,
that could make you care?
What could I whisper,
to make you see?
What could I write,
to make you believe?
Oh I have so much to tell you!
So much that has gone on.
So much that's gone right,
so much that's gone wrong.
But what could I say to you,
to make you take a stand?
What could convince you,
to reach out, hold my hand?
What could I say to you?
What could I do?
What could make you want to know?
What could make this true?
There's just so much to tell you!
But...
I don't think I ever can.
What could I say to you,
So that you would understand?
The truth is,
there is nothing.
Nothing to make you see.
So these things I have to tell you,
will have to stay within me.
What could I say to you,
In order to make things new?
What could make you realize,
that I am so in love with you?
What could I say to you?
What could I say?
There's so much I have to tell you!
But,
there simply is no way.

Close your eyes

2008-01-04T14:58:00.000-08:00

Close your eyes darling
you don't want them to bleed.
all over your pretty dress
that is so frilly and sweet.
Close your eyes darling
you don't want to go blind.
and not see the beauty of
the things that you will find.
Close your eyes darling
I want you to be protected.
I don't want you to see the danger
of the world that you never expected.
So close your eyes darling
thats it... close them tight.
You may open them come the morning
then it will be alright.
Close your eyes darling
don't forget, don't forget.
Close your eyes darling
and there will be no regrets.

Sugar Coated

2008-01-04T14:57:00.002-08:00

Please sugar-coat those lies for me,
the ones you speak so well.
Sugar-coat those lies for me,
so I won't be able to tell.
Whether or not it is the truth,
that escapes from your lips.
And whether or not it is the same,
either way that the lies slip.

Please sugar-coat those lies for me,
so they will go down easy.
And sugar-coat those sweet words,
that make my heart go queasy.

Say them with perfection,
those lies as plain as day.
Say them without protection,
you know you're safe either way.

Sugar-coat that deceiving tounge,
so I don't know what's wrong.
Sugar-coat your lies for me,
so that they sound like they belong.

Sugar-coat your lies for me,
Becuase they sound so right.
Sugar-coat your lies for me,
and I won't bring them to the light.

Slamming the Door

2008-01-04T14:57:00.001-08:00

Slam the door in my face,
and tell me "sweet dreams".
Say "I love you" one minute,
please explain what that means.
A stab to the back,
and a jab to the eyes.
So sick and tired,
of saying Good-byes.
"Sure bud, we'll stay close,
like nothing's ever changed."
Funny how something simple,
starts to feel so strange.
So slam the door in my face,
and tell me "sweet dreams".
Nothing ever is,
as good as it seems.
Its over,its done with.
Time to move on.
Get your heart back to normal,
like nothing went wrong.
Slam the door in your face,
and tell you, "Get a life!"
"And maybe while you do that,
you can take back your knife.
Sorry its been stuck,
in my back for so long.
I never realized it was there,
until you were gone.
Sorry about the mishap,
it was all a big mistake.
I never would've guessed,
it was my heart that you would break."

Unaware

2008-01-04T14:56:00.000-08:00

he sits there,
watching.
waiting for the perfect moment to act.
cautious.
silent.
never allowing himself to slip up.
no,
its their job to slip up,
his is to catch them doing it.
he sits there,
casual.
never too relaxed,
yet never too tense.
he never maintains eyecontact,
that would be his first mistake.
he sits,
so professional.
so experiancd.
but,
he is unaware.
unaware that everyone,
yes, even you and I,
are watching his every move.
that we, the observed,
are actually observing.
and that we,
the assumed-unaware,
have been aware the whole time.
but,
he, the poor man,
has no knowledge of this.
so,
as he sits and observes,
we will play his little game,
but...
we will always win.

8 out of 9

2008-01-04T00:54:00.000-08:00

with a smile like that
you're bound to break some hearts
cause David's Star to fall
and girls to stumble
music pounding in your ears
fingers dancing upon the strings
smile stretched across my face
as you sing softly through the window;
"strangers passing in the street
by chance two separate glances meet
and i am you and what i see is me..."
please pass by me once more
a mildly attractive Prince in shining golden armour
please hold my heart
and don't let go
until the hair atop your head fades to gray
and begins to fall upon the floor
for i will never see your face
nor sing you those three words that seem so near
i will hear them in my head
as the sounds of your soul play in the air
and i'll rate you an 8 out of 9 just for fun
while really believing that you are a
10

If You Let Me

2007-12-19T19:51:00.000-08:00

I could love you
if you let me
love you like none other
I could hold you
if you let me
hold you for forever
I could kiss you
if you let me
kiss you until our lips are sore
I could sing to you
if you let me
sing till my voice is no more
I could be with you
if you let me
be with you through thick and thin
I could have waited for you
if you had let me
but you didn't
so now?
I guess this is it.

Baby, I Will Love You

2007-12-18T09:08:00.000-08:00

Baby,
I don't know you,
and you don't yet know me.
But soon you will arrive,
and we'll be a family.
Baby,
I will hold you,
I will kiss you upon your forehead,
and I will sing you to sleep,
as you lay silently in your bed.
Baby,
I don't know you,
and you don't yet know me.
But soon I can say I do,
yes, we'll be a family.
Brother, Sister,
it doesn't really matter,
whoever it is you are.
Just know that I will love you,
despite the distance far.

Baby,
I will love you.
I will love you.
I will love you.

Baby,
I can't wait to love you.

December

2007-12-13T12:43:00.000-08:00

I can't keep a secret
You can't keep my heart
I only wanted an ending
You wanted the start
I had broke this down long ago
You never would remember
That this heart gets frozen
colder each day
and it starts
in December.

Empty and Cold

2007-11-30T22:13:00.000-08:00

I remember the days
you would talk to me,
an invisable friend,
for hours.
The sound of your smile
over the speaker phone,
vibrant and happy,
unforgettable.
I remember the days
you would laugh with me,
snorts and giggles,
uncontrollable.
The sense of understanding
as we shared secrets, passions,
dreams,
lost.
This is not who you are
not who I knew,
this empty and cold person,
unsure of himself.
If this is the "present"
I am scared of the future,
missing the past,
and wishing you back.
Where is the boy I once knew
replaced now, by this man of mystery?
I am turning back,
and you have gone too far.
You say that you have lowered standards
and yet, I still expect more from you,
from your words,
from your heart.
I have met this person you've become
and sought out the person you once were,
with love, with hope, sincerity and fear,
and no hope
of ever finding him.

Tree in the Sea

2007-11-30T21:59:00.001-08:00

She always reminded me
of the Sea.
The way she moved
when the wind was in the air
splashing and dancing
like the wind through her hair.
She always reminded me
of the Sea.
Of pirates and ship-wrecks
of look-outs, sails
ship-decks.
She always reminded me
of the Sea.
Of pillaging
plundering
storm-clouds
lightning, thundering.
And I always was the tree.
Growing,
Swaying,
in the Sea.
And we two,
fit so perfectly,
She, the Sea,
and I, the Tree.

I Don't Have To [For Danny B]

2007-11-11T12:30:00.000-08:00

I may not understand the eloquent words you write
or the beauty of the way you smile
but perhaps,
I don't have to.
I may not be able to analyze your thoughts
or pretend to know what goes on in your heart
but perhaps,
I don't have to.
Maybe I can just sit here
smiling back at you
laughing at the way you dance
or the jokes that you make
and perhaps,
you can do the same.
So I know I don't understand the way things are
or the way that things may be
but perhaps,
I don't have to,
or maybe,
someday I will.

Poem From My Brother

2007-11-11T12:11:00.001-08:00

This the way you are

curly, smirky,
uncontrolably passionate.

it's just the way you is.

even my two minute of
regurgitation can't epitimize
the essence of your being.

so let me pause and take another
century to ponder on the beauty that
encompases your blue print.

it's just something about you.

i'll cease now to attempt to utter
what i can't seem to comprehend.

you're one in a million and truely been
sought out from the ends of the earth.

your loving brother

Daniel Bay

I'll Take a Drag

2007-11-05T22:59:00.000-08:00

I'll take a drag of your life
if it means you'll let me in
over the smoke, i'll see you smile
and then you'll turn away again
a never-ending argument
I'm right, but so wrong
and you'll remind me of that
the ashes will hit the pavement
alongside my heart
my lungs start to burst
my hands start to shake
I cough out the words
"I love you"
I'll look up into your eyes
and you'll shake your head
reminding me that cigarettes
are not meant for children

Do This Right

2007-10-24T20:42:00.000-07:00

Let's Walk Through the Garden of Eden
Let's Dance Through the Starry Night
Let's Laugh Until we Burst

[Come on baby-
let's do this right.]

Festiva

2007-10-17T17:13:00.001-07:00

I looked through the knot in the wood
you were staring back at me
before bursting into flames
leaving nothing but embers
i serenaded you with a smile
the pixels on the screen faded
and the polka-dots lit the screen
i've landed my plane on a thousand empty hearts
a thousand empty landing strips of disappointment
i've been the invisable friend too long
and now i'm starting to wonder:
have i completely disappeared?

underneath

2007-10-11T23:26:00.000-07:00

you can paint your face with as many colours as you want...
but you'll still be the same mess underneath.

Cherry Red

2007-09-08T17:06:00.000-07:00

"Girls in Cherry Red lipstick cannot be trusted,"
He said.
"They've got one thing on their minds."
She nodded her head,
and agreed.
"No daughter of mine will ever be caught dead wearing Cherry Red upon her lips!"
He said with authority.
She nodded her head,
and agreed.
He smiled at his daughter, satisfied with her agreement, and left the room.
She opened the dresser drawer,
put on her cherry red lipstick,
and pulled the trigger.

Cherry Red.
Cherry Red.
Cherry Red.

He was the flame, and I was but an ember

2007-09-03T14:35:00.000-07:00

ILY. <3

"Boston"- Augustana

2007-09-03T14:24:00.000-07:00

in the light of the sun,
is there anyone?
oh it has begun...
oh dear you look so lost,
eyes are red and tears are shed,
this world you must've crossed...

you said...
you don't know me,
you don't even care,
oh yeah...
you said...
you don't know me,
you don't wear my chains...
oh yeah.

essential and appealed,
carry all your thoughts across an open field,
when flowers gaze at you...
they're not the only ones who cry
when they see you

you said...
you don't know me,
you don't even care,
you don't know me,
you don't wear my chains...

she said i think i'll go to boston...
i think i'll start a new life,
i think i'll start it over,
where no one knows my name.
i'll get out of california,
i'm tired of the weather,
i think i'll get a lover and fly em out to spain...
oh yeah.

i think i'll go to boston, i think that i'm just tired
i think i need a new town,
to leave this all behind...
i think i need a sunrise,
i'm tired of the sunset,
i hear it's nice in the summer,
some snow would be nice...
oh yeah.

you don't know me,
and you don't even care.
oh yeah.
boston...
where no one knows my name...
where no one knows my name...
no one knows my name.

Stay the Same

2007-08-29T20:39:00.000-07:00

things will never change.
the heart will stay the same.
but i will not remain.
no i will not remain.
because today is a new day.
and i am here to say.
that the good, it never stays.
no it will not remain.
it will not remain.
but lift up your eyes.
lift up your eyes.
you need to realize.
the heart it does grow wise.
and though things will never change.
and the heart does stay the same.
i will not remain.
no i will not remain.
and today, it was a new day.
and now i'm here to say.
that you and i will always stay.
yes we will stay the same.
we will stay the same.
so lift up your eyes.
and look into mine.
i love you always.
siempre.

This is where I bid thee, "Goodnight"

2007-08-05T21:16:00.000-07:00

We walked all night
and the moon wasn't there
the stars started to dance
where our footprints had been
and we wished on the falling trees
and ate the forbidden fruit
but still didn't feel any wiser
I wanted to talk about life
and you wanted me to shut my mouth
taste the silence
and forget the sound of love
We walked all night
and the moon wasn't there
the stars did a dance
where our hands were intwined
and our wishes came true
as the trees went up in smoke
the fruit became a bitter aftertaste
and we became naked in the night
I wanted to run
and you wanted me to take it slow
walk with my eyes closed
and forget the sight of love
the music began to play
and you began to sing
I began to cry
and you began to laugh
Lets stop right here
forget the taste of love
and finally say,
"goodnight".

If I haven't, then now is the time

2007-08-05T21:05:00.000-07:00

If I've never showed you,
how much I love you,
I am sorry.
If I've never explained to you,
how much you mean to me,
I am sorry.
If I've never regarded you,
how I should have,
I am sorry.
If I've never expressed to you,
how much I need you,
I am sorry.
If I've never understood you,
or maybe even tried to,
I am sorry.
If I've never confided in you,
when that's what you wanted,
I am sorry.
And if I've never told you,
how much you hurt me,
I am sorry.
Because if I haven't,
then now is the time,
and I'm not sorry for what I need to say,
or what you need to hear.

Dad,
I love you.
You mean so much to me.
I need you.
And I want to understand you.
I'm confiding this to you, (I hope its what you want).
You've hurt me.
And if I haven't told you,
that I am forgiving you,
then now is the time...

Just say the words,
(that you haven't).
Because I already have.

Love is how you make[break] it

2007-08-05T20:59:00.000-07:00

If love is how you make it
I've been building me a castle
made from flowers and kind words
hugs and sweet tasting kisses
I've been building me a fortress
of protection and comfort
understanding and compassion

But if love is how you make it...
maybe I've been building it all wrong...

If love is how you make it
I've been building me some disappointment
made with the wilting flowers and those sugar coated lies
those hugs of insecurity and those kisses of sweet pity
I've been building me a fortress
of walls that will close in and comfort that just won't last
(mis)understanding and false compassion

Yes, Love is how you make it...
but I'm afraid that this is how I break it...
and I'm never going to learn.

Mine Own

2007-07-31T20:31:00.000-07:00

Let the daisies in your hair
fall like raindrops from the clouds
and let the song in your voice
fill the air like oxygen
the nightsky will be our canvas now
and the stars will guide your way back home
but I will never let the sun declare
his love for you like mine own
his love for you like mine own
and neither will the moon meet your eyes
and steal your heart from mine own
and steal your heart from mine own
"dance with me" says the broken heart
"take me in your arms,
never let me go."
the laughter in your lungs fades still
and the smile in your eyes hides again
yet you will remember the love of mine own
yet you will remember the love of mine own

No Matter

2007-06-17T12:52:00.000-07:00

No matter how many times you've let me down-
No matter how many times you haven't been there-
No matter how many times you've lied-
No matter how many times you forgot to call-
No matter how many times you didn't write-
I hope you know-

that I love you.

Happy Father's Day Dad.

Dad,

2007-06-17T12:50:00.001-07:00

I love you so much.

Wherever the hell he is...

2007-06-16T21:10:00.000-07:00

he's climbing mountains-
swimming oceans-
and dodging bullets to get to me.

Darling,

2007-06-12T15:50:00.000-07:00

your tears are falling on the ground-
staining the grass and
drowning the worms.

To:You From:Me

2007-06-10T18:37:00.000-07:00

To: You

I'm really sorry
(sorry doesn't cut it- I know.)
I thought that I knew what I wanted
(and that that was you.)
But I think that I am completely unsure
(and I hate to break you where you are whole.)
I'm really not a terrible person
(please, don't hate me now.)
I just feel so....
(what's the word?)
Confused
(possibly.)
You don't need me
(but I still need you.)
To be a friend
(and nothing more.)
Please don't be afraid
(to tell me I'm right.)
The future's so unclear
(and the present isn't any better.)
I hope you can understand
(I obviously don't.)
And I hope that someday
(or maybe not...)
You can look at this and see
(what I never did.)
The reason behind it all
(and what it really meant.)
And hopefully
(perhaps.)
It all makes sense

Again, I'm so sorry
(it's not you, It's really me.)
For not knowing sooner
(who I was.)
That it wouldn't work
(you're amazing.)
I hope you find someone
(someone wonderful.)
That deserves you.

From: Me

The Floor and The Wall

2007-06-10T18:16:00.000-07:00

Are you putting up a wall?
Because I feel like breaking it down.
I'm sick of hitting this dead end again.
Or maybe sick of you?
And I'm tripping on this floor.
Littered with all my broken pieces.
That I'm too lazy to pick up?
Or you're too ignorant to see.
Are you putting up a wall?
I don't think I'll break it down.
I'm sick of talking to it.
So maybe I'll just turn the other way.
And I'm sweeping up this floor.
And throwing away the pieces.
That I was too scared to pick up.
That you will never see.
This damn floor and that God-forsaken wall.

[bastards.]

When That Wind Blows

2007-05-28T08:23:00.000-07:00

I won't remember you after tonight
the cool air will rush in and blow you away
but I'm hoping you'll remember me
and that when that wind blows one more time
you'll blow right back through this window
and remind me of who you are
and what we once had.

Steady, 1, 2.

2007-05-28T08:07:00.000-07:00

Steady, Steady,
Steady, 1, 2.

I never really realized,
that you were holding everything steady,
the entire time...

[and that there was no need to count it out.]

Be the Man

2007-05-23T18:25:00.000-07:00

Be the man
you were meant to be
the one that the stories
portrayed you to be
Be the man
we have yet to see
the one that is wanted
the one that we need
Be the man
that I've always hoped for
the one I dreamed of
the one I love more
Be the man,
please be the man,
The Man
You've never Been.

Rob Mac

2007-05-01T15:05:00.000-07:00

You listen.
You laugh.
You love.
You offer advice.
You offer support.
You offer encouragement.
You accept.
You appreciate.
You assure.
You give smiles.
You give high-fives.
And above all,
You give friendship.

Thank You.
[For everything that you've done.]

All I've Got

2007-04-27T22:40:00.000-07:00

All I've got
is a packing-tape memory
with this box strewn on the floor
excitement unveiled
in minutes.
All I've got
is a blue frog leaping
across my heart
bright and comforting
beside me.
All I've got
is the scent of security
sprayed upon the white fabric
a tee pulled over my head
your trademark.
All I've got
is what you gave
and all I want
is what you have
so here's my heart.
[Its all I've got
for you.]

I Tried

2007-04-24T19:00:00.000-07:00

I tried so hard
I truly did
I tried to give it to you
But it seemed no matter
How hard I tried
Things never worked out on cue
And alas
Things are so unclear
Black and White
Now turned to Grey
I tried so hard
I truly did
But the Moon
Decided to
Fade.

Why

2007-04-08T14:48:00.000-07:00

does it feel as though
I've been kicked
in the
gut
by your
words?

Happy Easter

2007-04-08T14:42:00.000-07:00

[He is Risen.]

Today

2007-04-08T14:20:00.000-07:00

"Best Friends Forever"
Or maybe until today
when you slammed the door of our friendship
when you decided to turn me away
"I will Love You Forever"
Or maybe until today
when you asked me to stop saying it
when you decided it wasn't okay
"I'd give the Moon for you"
Or maybe not today
when you said I was over-doing it
when you decided to walk away
"I'm really sorry, I am"
Or maybe just today
when you decided it was annoying
when you hated me for being this way
"I completely understand"
and believe me, it hurts to say
and I lied when I said it didn't matter,
cuz really?

[I'm not okay]

Flames of Beauty and Pearls in Her Smile

2007-04-07T14:29:00.000-07:00

I met a girl once
yes, I remember the day
that I was greeted by Flames of Beauty
and those Pearls in Her Smile.
She talked with passion
yes, I remember the excitement
as she spoke of her dreams
and all her aspirations.
I met a girl once
yes, I remember her well
those dark eyes dancing as she laughed
and still those Pearls in Her Smile.
She spun joyously in circles
yes, I remember the curiousity
that arose inside of me
as I thought of this girl.
I met a girl once
yes, I remember the day
that I was greeted with Flames of Beauty
and those Pearls in Her Smile.
And I sit and wonder;
when will the Flame rise
and those Pearls shine for me
once more?

Don't Look At Me...

2007-04-06T15:24:00.000-07:00

Like You
Love Me.

Planted Tears

2007-04-06T15:19:00.000-07:00

There in the garden, she wept-
and where her tears fell,
new life began.

Forever the Sounds of Echoing Voices

Drive

I am

Missing Keys,

Max,

read to me

during the song (written 02. 14. 09.)

i know you read my shit

march evenings fading away

you were two dimes short of a print job

dropping secrets

This Heart Sleeps...

face-down

for the child within you.

A Hero Found

"Incredible"

Sounds like Love (Looks like Rain)

for the one whom the rain falls for

Dandelion Kisses

In the Morning

Cheers

Sing Me a Song (and kiss me with tongue)

Falling for a Devil's Heart

simple as it may be

a rose doesn't make this heart beat

Lyrical Love [For Joshua Mutafya- RIP]

"Forever" is Past Tense

Wonder

The gentleman Of Tomorrow

The Synonym of Disregard

ultimately, this is for you.

the song plays

a heart in hand and an open sunroof

An Honest Staite

from the lips of the fallen

Uninspired I write this to you

Somewhere Where I'm Not

sigh... *ka-dunk, ka-dunk!*

Let's go back [for my dad]

the things you should know (and are long overdue to hear) [for my mom]

laundry detergent and thoughts of you

3 words

My Pillow Never Lies

Despereaux is dead

Back to You

And then there were 2...

My mysterious friend of music

My Prince

Single Thought

I figured it was time

Keep your Distance (Its contagious)

Careful

More to a Heart

One Step

Perfection Expected

Oh Daddy... [a prayer]

Can't Get Your Head Around It

What could I say?

Close your eyes

Sugar Coated

Slamming the Door

Unaware

8 out of 9

If You Let Me

Baby, I Will Love You

December

Empty and Cold

Tree in the Sea

I Don't Have To [For Danny B]

Poem From My Brother

I'll Take a Drag

Do This Right

Festiva

underneath

Cherry Red

He was the flame, and I was but an ember

"Boston"- Augustana

Stay the Same

This is where I bid thee, "Goodnight"

If I haven't, then now is the time

sigh... ka-dunk, ka-dunk!